Monday, October 19, 2009 Y 11:58:00 PM
Sheesh, i think my level of sensitivity has increased by quite an incredible amount.
I don't know what's so bloody wrong with me.
I know the feelings are perhaps founded on irrational fears sometimes,
but i can't help it, i really can't if i'm more inclined to thinking almost on an absolute level
that i'm actually imposing on people, that i'm actually troubling them,
that i'm actually taking away their time that they need for themselves maybe.
Just like the breakdown that occurred which was not supposed to have happened, at all
But i couldn't control somehow so i'm sorry, you out there who had to bear with me
despite your exams which are in like, two days time.
I really didn't mean for it to happen.
Like people's comments which i feel are delivered in such a manner that's
lmost obviously directed at me.
I don't mean to lock you out/away intentionally,
all i wanted to do was not to let people worry about what i might say,
cause there'd prolly be some unpleasant feelings displayed.
And i really wanted to include you in, but i thought to myself maybe not for now
and i invited no one, no one at all.
Simply i don't want you to worry about me.
I've so many things i want to tell you, but i thought i'd do so after As
if you could spare the time, or something.
I've been constantly thinking about you and looking at the comments you posted
and maybe i'm sensitive/overly sensitive, but i think you're angry/mad with me
cause somehow your tone changed thereafter, till now
and more so, when you didn't reply to my message.
I'm so sorry if i hadn't been a good friend to you,
cause it pains me to see you sad too.
You mean a lot to me, you really do.
I hope we'd be fine again.
I want so much to talk to you, but i'm afraid you might be angry
and might not wanna talk to me.
I don't wanna lose this friendship, please.
God, my heart aches.
At the betrayal that never, never, never was expected.
The worst form/feeling of betrayal thus far.
At the unfulfilled favours which came along with the idea of commitment, somewhat,
at the whole cheapening of words, the whole bloody cheapening of words
which has come across to me so strongly that sometimes i'd like to associate it with the idea of
bullshit, plain pure bullshit.
It has reduced by initial low level of trust to this much.
This, being barely significant at this current moment.
Don't wanna feel hypocritical or be a hypocrite either.
The nights seem so long,but i cling to Your promise,there will be a dawn.
