Saturday, June 03, 2006 Y 12:15:00 AM
man sometimes i just can't understand the men in my home.
firstly, dad.
okay yes so he hurt his arm and all and like instead of showing appreciation to my mum,no,
he can still be so demanding. so much as to ask my mum to ask brother and me to bring the sofa up.
like hello? it's not light leh. what my mother said was true.
if you're tired just sleep, why complain so much?
i can understand, okay but not fully,. why my mother's like quite disappointed.
i mean like...imagine being the sole breadwinner of the family, having to do housework, pay for tuition fees, his fees and all.
surely she should deserve some appreciation right?
oh yes, it's not like as if i never failed in this area but at least i realise and am trying to show appreciation more right?
why not just take that pride away?
it's not easy, yes, but why let pride stand in the way of showing appreciation and just humble yourself when you know things will never be the same again as before?
it's not worth it at all.
i think if i were my mother, i probably would have faaaa-ed lah.
but no, she chose to endure it instead although yes sometime she loses her temper, but still.
i realise that she's a reallygood mother compared to all.
though sometimes i don't like the way she does things, but like i mean,
i seriously would have a super difficult time just trying to cope with work load, housework, nonsense from brother, me and dad.
it's just so...much.
it's not like as if she's asking for too much also what.
all she needs from dad is just appreciation!
when i was rubbing some oil for dad just now, i was just wondering,
would he thank my mum if she were the one rubbing instead?
i really don't know, maybe not.
not that he thanked me just now, but he usually does.
man i think i shan't say anymore.
okay and my brother,
he's like so addicted to those movies of his.
that's not the point though.
but the point is, i realise that everytime when he's watching and a phone tends to ring or someone calls him,
he'll always go TSK and like respond by saying WHAT?!
okay maybe half of !
the addition of ! sounds so exaggerated.
but i don't like that tone.
it's pissing off.
i mean like i wasn't even rude to him just now lah.
i said in a very nice manner "eh amanda and kenny downstairs ah."
then he went TSK and WHAT?!
goodness. i was like so pissed okay.
so i just went "haiya, i don't wanna talk to you lah!"
then he just shouted "close the door!"
wahhh and i think i've tolerate a lot of his nonsense from young till now okay.
but yes, i'm still going to tolerate because love bears all things and love endures all things.
just need to rant for awhile.
oh and yes, it's just so hard to understand him.
at times when i get to know that he's not very well, mentally etc.
it saddens me and i just want to ask him whether he's alright.
actually if i remember correctly, i did ask him before but guess the response was quite cold i suppose.
that letter, i still remember.
but well, there's nothing really much i can do coming to think of it.
beside praying. well, at least i tried i guess.
sometimes i just try to picture me and him in the room just talking and sharing about out lives openly,
wouldn't that be...nice?
i mean like brother-sister relationship.
i think it's cool lah.
maybe later on we'll be closer, not now.
but then again, i ain't sure.
well, maybe i ain't that good a sister either.
but just that same goes for my mother, the things i do doesn't really seem to be appreciated by him.
only...sometimes.
at times i choose not to bother, like even simple things like buying food.
i can always choose not to wait, but no, i chose to wait so that he could at least eat something that he likes.
although he's fine with everything lah, but of course there'll be preferences what.
sighs. if even i get tired of this, what more my mother?
wahh but seriously, if it weren't for Him ah, i wouldn't care less about trying to love and tolerate lah.
just that i know if i don't, i ain't pleasing Him and i guess it's through all these minor issues that somehow,
character develops. like that verse where suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character,and character, hope.
something like that lah.
well well.
prayer is still the best way out :)
anyways, i think that passion is becoming stronger somehow.
dreamt during my super short sleep of one and a half hours about praise and worship!
samw was like playing the piano but like somehow everyone was facing the other side kinda thing.
anyay the main thing was, one teacher in the school, i can't remember who though said "We need to sow seeds."
something like that.
like...so cool lah!
i so agree with that and i realise i've been talking about revival the past few posts.
but it's just so important and necessary.
i don't know but each time when i watch news or just look at the world,
i just feel the need to reach out.
oh yes and prayer meeting today.
they were late!
though the numbers were few( someone, cheryl, me),
we still managed to pray :)
oh and goodness, someone was super duper encouraging lah.
was actually a little discouraged when only cheryl and me were there.
then suddenly...we saw someone walking.
then cheryl was super happy lah.
i was too.
it's like...from someone whom didn't know God, or rather knew, but yeah and lived the wrong lifestyle,
indulged in i would say, sinful acts and got blinded by homosexuality, but also probably because of the company,
to someone who is so on for God and so passionate.
it's like so amazing lah.
God is just so BIG =D
i don't know but i was just so encouraged by her.
like how God changed her inside out, from how i knew her in sec2,
haha my lao gong! funny funny.
plus hearing all those not so pleasant stories of what she did and all,
not that i was close to her, but mann and she told me this morning she was thinking of it too!
she said i asked her to go church that time but she didn't want to.
but i don't remember asking her! haha.
oh yes and yes about that dream about a teacher,
i don't know why but i just had to reach out to her in the dream.
it's cool but it's tough.
well, shall pray and guess if it's His will, He'll path a way out for me to do so.
need lots of courage though.
but i think i'm willing to do so for Him.
no results if there's not price paid what.
oh yes and i'm doing this all for His glory by the way, not for mine.
it's such a joy coming to know that people are saved!
especially those that you know.
oh and talking to hui yee today during geography about church and all was cool lah!
she was excited too which makes it more exciting because then again, i didn't expect.
oh and she might come for prayer meeting too, tell me how cool is that please.
goodness i think this post must have really been long,
anyway managed to complete that e maths paper.
i'm a little lagging though.
i think i'm going to get that curve integration thing right, i'll see if can finish by today.
try, i shall.
oh and cornerstone tomorrow for zone service if mum allows.
exciting! :)
alright then shall be off for now.
